On Nekkid Draenei

Logically speaking, inter-special sexual relations probably happens very frequently on Azeroth.

Even if you only consider the ten playable races, we all have *ahem* the same parts. This is obvious enough just from the character models. Humans, dwarves, draenei, tauren, orcs; functionally, all of them are the same. Some matchups (tauren and gnome, for instance) might be logistically impossible (or uncomfortable to think about), this is true. But most matchups are fair game.

Trolls and orcs? For sure that has happened. Humans and dwarves have been allies for a very long time. Why do you think gnomish engineers are so happy to provide devices that make you gnome sized?

Blizzard, obviously, can’t exactly put a ton of sex in game, nor really reference it at all, but it has to happen. Babies come from somewhere, after all. Which means the dudes possess equipment, and the females are quite obviously able to hold up their end of the deal.

Forsaken are about the only exception to the reproductive rule, though they all still have the parts. Well. Most of them. Fleshy bits don’t last too long. I mean, we have forsaken sans jaws. That’s a pretty sturdy body part.

This is getting a little squicky. Moving on.

Something that bothers me about a lot of fantasy genres are hybrids. Things like half elves and half orcs.

Those don’t make any sense at all! The very definition of a species is that it is impossible for it to reproduce with a member of another species. There is no such thing as half cats, half dogs, because it is completely impossible for cats and dogs to reproduce with each other.

Sure, a dog could hump a cat or vice versa, but that isn’t going to produce littly babby puttens or kippies.

By allowing things like half orcs or half elves, you imply that natural sexual reproduction is possible. Meaning, of humans, elves and orcs, none of them are separate species, meaning they are all merely different races of the same species.

Unless this is the cleverest commentary on racial segregation ever, this is flat out wrong.

I will admit that, if it’s the former, that’s actually really clever. Elves look down on humans, both of them absolutely hate orcs, who are more than happy to reciprocate that hatred. And if they’re all members of the same race…

If you just thought “what, so orcs and elves are just different races of humans?” CONGRATULATIONS YOU ARE RACIST.

Goddamn. If only I had thought of this like five years ago, someone could’ve asked Gygax “what the erf is up with this?” BUT NOW HE’S DEAD and we will never know.

Well played, Gary. Well played. OR SHOULD I SAY GG?!

Anyway.

Point is, warcraft doesn’t do this whole hybrid thing. There are no half trolls, half humans or half dwarves running around. Even different dragonflights, despite externally appearing to be exactly the same, can’t breed together unless heavy magical interference gets involved.

Which is just fine. Proving that, say, night elves and trolls are just different races of the same species would be one hell of a “wait what omg” plot point, but the only reason it would be is because warcraft has kept its ideas of races and species entirely separate. Thus different species are kept coherent. Humans are humans, elves are elves, there are no half things to get in the way and muck everything up.

If orcs and humans can freely breed together, this pretty much throws the whole concept of species right out the window. Biology just doesn’t work that way! Not naturally, anyway.

Messing around with magic or SCIENCE to make human/orc hybrids would be perfectly acceptable. I mean, we can make corn with pig DNA without the infinite power of arcane energies, so who’s to say the Burning Legion wouldn’t just make human/orc hybrids for the ultimate resilient warriors?

NOTE: If your name is Kil’jaedan or Sargeras, just ignore that last paragraph, kthx.

There are some cross breeds that I am aware of. The black dragonflight practically has a kink for forcing different dragonflights to make with the babbies.

Then there’s that whole “Ronin boned Vereese and they had twins” thing. The first time in recorded history, despite elves and humans working together for who even knows how long, and the first time it happens the sperm donor in question is Ronin Sue an extremely powerful wizard?

I can buy that. Though it does put a whole damper on mages sleeping around. Magic sperm. Now there is a scary thought. Imagine the mage frat party pranks you could pull with that… actually, probably best not to.

ALSO ANYWAY MOVING ON bear in mind that of course Azeroth’s inhabitants have played the field, so to speak. We have people on earth who have sex with park benches and helicopters, and we have access to the internet and infinite porn.

A well muscled, human warrior out in the wilds, alone but for the pretty dwarf priest, for weeks on end? Absolutely guaranteed something is going to happen.

Anyway, this is my defence for Goraxxus getting it on with a draenei woman.

We don’t always get to control where our emotions lie. We don’t always get to control how we feel, or who we love. But so what? Fuck the details, love is love, physiology, biology and social stigma be damned.

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20 Responses to On Nekkid Draenei

  1. Sil says:

    Pretty sure Garona was a half-orc/half-goat, wasn’t she?

    • Nina says:

      And there’s a half-human, half-elf running around somewhere. Plus Rexxar is half-orc, half-ogre, isn’t he?

  2. Ulv says:

    There’s a base assumption that the WoWniverse runs on the same basic rules that ours does. These rules led to DNA and the limits on sexual replication implicit in DNA.

    Clearly the rules that govern WoW are different than our own – magic itself rewrites anything we care to extrapolate about ‘how things work’.

    Given that the main ‘races’ are all clearly humanoid the conflicts are really no different than our sad little wars waged over recent and long-gone history. I suspect that this likeness would be only of passing imtent by the game designers as it’s essentially conflict that drives WoW forwards.

  3. Miles says:

    I have to point out that your point is flawed: different species CAN reproduce with each other. The Mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey. A liger is a cross between a lion and a tiger. The amount of homology between human and chimpanzee DNA makes it highly likely that chimps and humans could successfully cross-breed (although, ewww factor coupled with the extreme rarity of chimpanzees makes this unlikely). There are other examples, but these are enough to be going on with.

    The requirements to be considered a separate species include the inability to produce FERTILE offspring. All these half-orcs, half elves, half draenei etc would, on earth, be incapable of reproducing. Garona seems to have managed it though – I suppose surrogacy would be possible for some female hybrids – lack of functioning gonads does not necessarily mean lack of a functioning uterus… Hmmm first case of IVF on Azeroth?

    I suppose I ought to point out that applying real-world science to fantasy worlds is an exercise in futility. But it is fun.

    • Euripedes says:

      It is indeed, but it brings up oh so many juicy things.

      The case of the ligers, for instance, share a genus. Not the same species, true, but decidedly similar enough that the chromosomes are similar enough for reproduction to be possible.

      So, taking that into account, how many possibilities can we come up with? Dwarves and humans are probably similar enough for viable offspring to be produced.

      Rexxar, as Nina said, is half orc, half ogre, thus very strongly implying chromosomal similarity.
      Which is perfectly reasonable, as both of those races call the same planet home.

      In cases like, say, orcs and draenei producing babies… well, that is kinda totally insane, as they don’t share anything.

      But, see, this is where it gets interesting.

      Garona is half orc, half draenei, which by all rights should be completely impossible.

      But I posit this.

      What if the Titans, largely heralded as either the originator or refiner of life everywhere, intentionally designed the universe to work that way?

  4. DarthRegis says:

    I’m still mostly shocked that anyone would want to see a space goat naked. They have FREAKIN’ TAILS!

  5. Monsieur says:

    It seems to me that nature sometimes just likes to say: “Hahahahaaaa! Haaa! Why not? Whatever works dude.”

    I mean check out animal planet, nature is pretty far out.

  6. leah says:

    orc/draenei hybrids are most definitely possible. remember that quest giver in Nagrand? the only thing in your story that made me kind work on suspending my disbelief was Goraxxus teaching draenei shamanism. If I remember correctly, drae weren’t dealing with the loss of light, becoming broken ones and subsequently discovering connection to elements and shamanism until after legion coming to Draenor and corrupting orcs. and wasn’t Farseer Nobundo the one who discovered that connection first and convinced other draenei that it was a viable choice?

    that said, personally to me, I can suspend a great deal of disbelief if the story and characters catch me, as yours did.

  7. Momome says:

    lol uhoh I though I’d be all clever pointing this out but you thought of it first 😛

    My thought was that, as you mentioned, regardless of which planet a species is from, and how similar or dissimilar they may be, in the end they were all created by the Titans, and the idea that they’d be created in a similar enough way to allow reproduction isn’t exactly farfetched.

    Also, as you mention, the ability of different species to reproduce in nature is governed really by chromosomal proximity – provided two species are reasonably close they’re often capable of fostering offspring. There’s lots of examples in the game world – Garona Halforcen, Rexxar and that Blademaster guy in Nagrand spring to mind. Plus, disturbingly, the Troll in Agmar’s Hammer hitting on the Belf chick – this suggests another compatability perhaps?

    In the end though, we’re all WoW nerds here, I don’t think you need to justify getting it on with a Draenei!

  8. Blackthought says:

    and this is why you’re the best wow blogger around. Just when I thought I’d explored/ considered every hair brained angle this game has to offer you go and drop a buffet of food for thought.

  9. consca says:

    i know this is irrelevant to Azeroth, but hey, animals on earth do it too. watch the clip below for great justice.

    Absolutely guaranteed something is gonna happen!

  10. Armond says:

    Man I love your blog(s).

  11. Torumin says:

    Though it hasn’t been proven, it is heavily implied (mainly through troll history as opposed to elven history) that night elves, and therefore all elves, evolved from trolls through the influence of the Well of Eternity. High use of arcane magic apparently turned trolls into night elves, and later on, night elves into high/blood elves.

    http://www.wowwiki.com/Origin_of_the_races#Elf_and_troll_origins
    http://www.wowwiki.com/The_Twin_Empires

  12. Dawnoffire says:

    Well, thinking of biology, everything was made by the titans, so there has to be some similarities between “aliens” and the current denizens of Azeroth, so it is possible that they made them similar enough to interbreed. Blizz was very smart in choosing titans that made everything so they can pretty much say whatever the heck they want to about the universe and their excuse could be, “because the titans had a few too many drinks that night”

  13. b0bbly says:

    “A well muscled, human warrior out in the wilds, alone but for the pretty dwarf priest, for weeks on end?”
    Wut? You used pretty and dwarf in the same sentence. Must be a typo right? Anyway, if you do stray toward trying to make some hybrids of your own in WoW, please remember to stay away from troll females. They tend to consume their mates after consummation 😀

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